For years, my greatest character defect and shortcoming was my addiction, and it has now been suppressed. It’s been arrested and I no longer suffer from two of addiction’s symptoms – loss of control after I start (Physical) and an inability to stay away from the first one no matter how great the necessity or the wish (Mental). My desire to seek a deeper relationship with my Creator through practical application of The Twelve Steps treats the third symptom – restlessness, irritability and discontentment (Spiritual). But recovery from the spiritual malady is an on-going evolution. I live in a recovered state because I no longer suffer from the seemingly hopeless condition of body and mind. If I stop taking the actions required to live life on a spiritual basis, the dis-eased internal condition will return and if it festers long enough, the mind will begin to tell me that a drink or drug will make things better. Consequently, my addiction to drugs and alcohol will come out of remission, and I will begin to act out in my worst defect of character.
Using this logic, it stands to reason the same principle should apply to all of my defects of character. They can be suppressed by living a spiritual program of action but like my addiction, if I steer away from the program they will return and begin to run the show. The Big Book states that selfishness and self-centeredness are at the root of my problem and they are two of my worst shortcomings. The book also states that I can’t reduce my self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on my own power. I must have God’s help. So, I can’t remove my character defects or practice the opposite of my defects but what I can do is live the way of life described in the Big Book. This basis of life, or foundation, creates an existence in which being selfish, indignant, self-absorbed, narcissistic and judgmental is not conducive to the new way of life, sobriety or freedom. All I can do is humbly offer myself to my Creator and ask him to remove what I find objectionable about my character. Refinement of my character is left up to Him and how He lives though me.
The Seventh Step is the Third Step with teeth. Not only am I abandoning myself to Him and agreeing to be a testimony of His Power in my life but I’m conceding that God can and will change or remove anything that stands in the way of me being useful to Him. The reality is, some of my most glaring defects make me attractive and useful to others. So, they may or may not be removed especially if I do not find them objectionable. In the end, my defects bring me full circle and sit me back down at the table with God. What immense grace and mercy, my very struggles keep me seeking God.